Short Straw
by Annie loves it
Summary: Suguru just wanted love, but not just any love, a certain persons love. Yet of course he's rejected, so can he learn to love second best? HiroxSuguru Complete.
1. Friends

Short Straw

Chapter 1- Just Friends

Suguru's POV

There's always the person who is so easy to hate. There is always the person you can't help but love no matter what, even if they are people you should hate. And I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm not the one everyone hates easily.

But despite the fact that everyone that really matters to me hates me, I just don't give a damn anymore. I simply wanted to roll over and _die._

But that god damn alarm clock doesn't seem to be showing me any mercy today. I sigh, dragging myself up for another pointless day, in my pointless life.

Its not the fact that I was torn in two that pisses me off, it's the part that everyone said that to overcome your fears you must face them. Such bullshit.

_Nervousness and anxiety rushed through Suguru from his throat to toes. Nausea rolled in his stomach, as he knew he was taking a risk. Slowly his fingers pressed down on the numbers, not yet quite sure on whether or not he wanted to do this. Pressing the wireless object to his ear, he waited for an answer._

_In his heart and stomach he prayed for no answer. He hoped for and yet feared the voice, but he needed to let this out. He was done with wondering and dreaming, he had to ask._

_For nights on end he would toss and turn in his sleep, dreaming of lips pressed down softly on his, words of comfort and love whispered into his ear. He dreamed and hoped for such sweetness and care. He could just feel hot fingertips brushing along his skin in the most intimate ways._

_But he was so done of hoping and dreaming. None of it was enough to satisfy him, none of it was enough to ease his aching and yearning heart._

"_Hello?"_

_The answer knocked Suguru from his thinking, and back to a reality. Stuttering nervously, Suguru crossed his legs on the bed and started the conversation._

"_Hey Tatsuha-kun!" he said cheerfully, deceiving his true sense of helpless angst._

"_Oh hey Suguru, how are yah?" Tatsuha replied back._

_And so time passed, and the conversation was filled with lots of things. Normal things. Weather, school, ect. But as the moment slipped into a silence, a brief moment of pause, _it_ built itself in Suguru._

_His heartbeat was rapid in his throat, his breathing was short, and his mind kept telling him "ask him, do it!" and finally as his heart felt like it was about to throw out of his mouth, as his soul started to drift into a high, he-_

"_Tatsuha will you go out on a date with me?" it slipped. Oh shit he slipped. He fell back from his high; his senses and reality hit him. He sounded like a dumb schoolgirl for fuck's sake. His courage slipped through his grasp and he now feared the answer he knew would come. The silence sliced through him and resounded in a thumping headache worse then the ring of noise._

_He knew it was coming. Any second now…it would be a no. A heart shattering, soul-splitting no._

"_I…Suguru-kun I'm not exactly interested in you like that…I mean I think we're just real good friends, and not to be rude I just…"_

_And there it was._

"Aye, Suguru-kun, yoo-hoo! You there?"

Was I? Was I still here?

I looked up through tired eyes at Hiroshi who was persistently waving his hand in front of my face. He had a kind smile on as he pulled a chair out and sat across from me. I smiled back shortly and turned my attention back to the book I was reading. I go through a lot of books waiting for Shindou-san to show up to work in the morning.

Silence drifted through the air, and I could feel Hiroshi stare at me intently like he wanted to say something.

"…So Suguru…did you ask _you know who_?"

His question pulled my attention from my book…pulled me from everything. I was trying so hard to forget _that_. So hard to forget…

"Suguru…your lips are trembling…" and indeed they were. I felt water weigh heavy in my eyes as I looked up shamefully at Hiroshi.

He gave me an all-too knowing look, signaling he understood. Gracefully he stood from his seat, making his way to my side of the table. He pulled me to my feet, giving me a tight hug.

"Suguru…I'm sorry."

Sorry…I'm sorry too. Sorry I'm not good enough for Tatsuha. Sorry I'm not good enough for anyone.

Hiroshi Nakano…is an interesting person. Over the past year, he has become more of a friend then a co-worker. And soon I eventually sought out his advice for my attraction to Tatsuha. And yet his suggestion only brought on a hard hit reality.

Hiro's POV

Oh Suguru, Suguru…

As terrible as it sounds, I'm glad you were rejected.

Maybe I am being too cruel.

I know he's trying to hold his tears back, but its no use, his body's shaking and he chokes on sobs. Nothing I do will console him, nothing I do will ever make him mine. Life has a cruel way of working doesn't it?

Your worth is so much more then these tears and rejection, and if only you would let me show you that. Looking down at your face buried in my chest, I fight the urge to lean down and kiss away those tears. Tears you shouldn't have, for you're an angel and angels shouldn't cry.

But I'm just his friend…a friend. And friends aren't supposed to_ want_ and _need _friends.

"Hiroshi-san?"

I look down at his red, puffy face, tears still falling as he still lets out sobs.

"Yeah?" He smiles despite his physical state, which gladdens me to no end.

"Thank you." He pulled away from my arms, wiping his face, and making his way to the bathroom on the other side of the conference room.

Turning, I meet to my surprise Shuichi, who stood looking stunned in the threshold of the door.

"Hiro, um…"

He knows. He knows of my undying desire. He knows I try my hardest to resist my urges. He's known all to well for to long.

"…You should just tell him."

Fuck that.

End chapter 1


	2. Bull

Short Straw

Chapter 2- Bull shit

Suguru's POV

Tap, tap, tap.

Silence looms over us, becoming persistent and bothersome.

Tap, tap, tap.

Damn it Hiroshi! Stop drumming your fucking _fingers_! It's _annoying!_ Stupid Shindou-san, if he would just show up a little bit earlier my day would be _oh_ so much better. That lazy ass punk, taking his dear, sweet time while we sit here and wait for him. I'm beginning to think we should just all show up at a later time, but then the bastard would only be _later_!

Tap, tap, tap.

I am so close to reaching over and breaking Hiroshi's fingers. _So_ close.

Tap, tap, tap.

No I am not irritated. I'm pissed! Hardly any sleep last night, and, and, well…no excuses really. I just feel like feeling annoyed, bitchy and rude.

Tap, tap, tap

I turn to look at him, about ready to tell him to stop drumming his fingers when he beats me to a sentence first.

"Suguru-kun, would you like to go to the movies?"

…What? Go to the movies? Did I hear him right?

"Um…what?"

He turned to look at me, smiling in that kind, simple way he always did.

"Do you want to go to the movies with me? A new one just came out that looks good, and I thought it would be fun for us to…you know, go watch it?" I gave him a funny look, not sure what the sudden invitation was about.

"Um…sure I guess."

* * *

Hiro's POV

He's acting like it's the most unnatural thing in the world to hang out with friends. I mean, I know the kids uptight, but shit! Everyone goes out to the movies with friends. But okay…maybe friends go out to the movies in groups…and don't normally go with the guy they like…well not for the purpose of watching a movie anyway. But it's okay to _bend _the rules, right?

Right.

So here we are, at the movie theaters, doing what all friends do. Watching a movie. Although being in a dark room, in the back of the theater, next to Suguru is far to tempting for my liking.

I'm in way to easy of a position to "yawn" and wrap my arm around him, way to easy to slowly feel up his thigh, and god his lips look so sinfully seductive-

And I'll just cut myself off _right_ there. The slightest temptation is just too much to hold back on. So, I keep my eyes towards the screen, away from his pink lips…his small body…his _long_ and oh _god_ curvy legs and-

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

If I don't stop he's going to actually notice the drool! And _other_ things! Damn sexual frustration! Damn the cute way he blushes when the girl and the guy kiss in the movie! Damn the way he jumps and grabs my hand when a scary scene comes up! And _damn_ the way my hand is just itching to grab that cute, round ass-

Damn it!

* * *

Next day

Oh. Shit.

"What in the _hell _is this Suguru Fujisaki!"

Mom. Is pissed.

She throws down a newspaper on the table titled smack dab on the front page "Hiroshi and Suguru on secret date!"

What, the _fuck_ are they talking about?

Picking up the newspaper, completely ignoring my mother's shouts, I read more on this…_bullshit_ headline.

"_Suguru Fujisaki and Hiroshi Nakano, keyboardist and guitarist of Bad Luck are caught in this picture, sneaking around on a date. Stories are a buzzin' that the two are passionately involved with each. Close friends of the two quote that "the two are completely in love"…"_

What. The. Fuck.

Who wrote this, this pile of garbage! A picture of Hiroshi and I walking to the movies is proof that we're _involved_? What in the hell! This is crap! Utter lies! How dare _anyone_ assume that I'm dating Nakano-san! What a load of bullshit!

I swear if K-san had _anything_ to do with this, he'll wake up with his balls in a knot!

* * *

Hiro's POV

Nobody is in a good mood. After much reassuring from K-san that he had nothing to do with the headlines, Suguru finally calmed down into a silence, Shuichi just keeps giving me funny looks, and Sakano is on the very verge of a nervous breakdown. Other then that… no ones doing anything. We're all just sitting here quietly, waiting for someone to say something.

Anything.

I mean, I didn't find the front page for today all that bad, but then again I wouldn't _mind _being "passionately involved" with Suguru. He on the other hand…he wasn't all to just peachy about it. And the way he stormed in the conference room, out for blood and balls, only proves the fact.

And yet, his attitude on the whole situation only sets out to darken my mood. He's so oblivious to my feelings it's not even funny anymore. Not that it ever was. And neither was what he had to say as he came in the door either…

"_This is such bullshit! I would never date Nakano-san! Our relationship is nothing more then co-working and friendly! "Passionately involved" my ass! Can't two friends go to the movies and not be automatically dating? What a load of shit. Utter bullshit. Don't you agree Nakano?"_

And just like that he was back to a "Nakano-san" name basis. That only added to my hurt. But there was nothing I could do. So I swallowed heavily, and nodded in agreement.

My heart split in to two…"This is such bullshit!" It wasn't such bullshit to me. I really…really want him to be my lover. I really wish that Tatsuha still didn't own his heart.

I wish it wasn't bullshit.

Ever played the card game "Bull Shit"? Off topic I know…but have you? If you have you'll understand what I mean when I say that Suguru Fujisaki had played his cards truly, no bullshit. He didn't have interest in me at all. Just Tatsuha.

So yes…the Uesugi's have a good reputation for stealing the hearts of the ones I love. Shuichi, Ayaka, and now even Suguru.

But I won't give up. I'll just…I don't know what I'll do.

I mean, after all, its just "bullshit" anyway…

End Chapter 2


	3. Idiot

Short Straw 

Chapter 3- Idiot 

Suguru's POV 

So after some phone calls made by Seguchi-san, the press completely "forgot" about the whole Nakano-san and me dating thing. Meaning the journalist that printed the false report has a body that is yet to be found.

Sometimes I'm thankful for my cousin's endless power.

Its now lunch break for Bad Luck, and I find my self in an unfortunate position; I'm in the same room with Shindou-san, alone.

To make a long story short, we were given a short break, so it was wise just to stay in the conference room, and Nakano-san is currently in the bathroom.

At least the little bugger is silent, which is highly uncommon. But still oh so welcome. He's just sitting there, eating his pocky, as though he considers himself in lacking of sugar. Myself, I'm just enjoying the book I read in the mornings while awaiting for the bipolar singer to show up for work.

"You know Suguru, you really are an idiot."

Now that, grabs my attention. I look up to see him with a serious look on his face, or at least he's _trying_ to look serious. And so in response to his insult, I close my book, and calmly throw it at his face.

Falling backwards in his chair dramatically, he says from the floor,

"But you are!"

I look over the table and glare down at him.

"How, pray tell, am I an idiot? You of all people are in no position to call me such."

He glances up at me while he shoves another pocky stick into his mouth.

"Because, Hiro's head over heals for you and you don't even seem to care!"

What? Hiroshi-san…likes _me?_

In general, I have no idea how to react to such a statement. This is a first, but Shindou-san has truly left me speechless as to what a response should be.

"Hey guys, I'm back." Hiroshi says as he walks through the door. He gives me a look and then one to his friend who is still sprawled on the floor, eating pocky.

"I'm not even going to ask."

* * *

Later that day, Hiroshi's apartment 

Hiroshi's POV 

"So he told you…"

My fears have been realized. My _idiot _best friend was being his _idiot _self and let it slip that I was in love with Suguru.

_Idiot!_

"Yes…indeed he did. And I…I…am at loss for words…"

He just stands there before me, head down. Shuichi you _idiot!_ You _ruined_ this for me! I have _no _chance with him now!

I look away to the side of the room as my eyes burn with the urge to sob, with the urge to break down. I knew Suguru wasn't going to accept me, I just fucking knew it!

"Look Suguru-san I…I'm sorry. I know you don't feel attraction towards me the way I do towards you, and I know my emotions on you are very unwanted. Please…forgive me."

* * *

Suguru's POV 

I look at his turned face, recognizing his obvious urge to cry, to scream. He's so heart broken…all because of me.

Maybe we could try it out? I mean…I'll always reserve my heart for Tatsuha but…I can't just say no to Hiroshi…he's too good of a person…

Does it make me a horrible person for considering this? Considering pretending…so he's happy?

Of course I know that if I start to date him, if I accept his feelings, then that will block any chance of Tatsuha and me, any chance that there was.

But Hiroshi's happiness is much more important then my own.

So that's my decision…love someone I don't love…it stings me and kills me, but what else can I do? It's not like I'm ever going to be with someone I love…but like I said…at least Hiroshi will be happy.

So I put on the best smile I can and urge myself closer to him, turning his face with my fingers.

"Forgive you for what Hiroshi?" I whisper out, pressing my lips slowly against his.

It's so uncomfortable for me…so unnatural to feel his fingers wrap around my waist as he presses deeper into my mouth. So wrong…I didn't want this…

But what can I do?

Hiroshi's hands slowly began to move from my waist to the hem of my shirt, proceeding to lift it from me without hesitation. His fingers dance around the top of my pants as he gazed deep into my eyes, searching for something. Something I was very much of afraid of.

My voice didn't seem to work, I wanted so bad to tell him to stop, to beg him to stop. But I couldn't. I just let him push my pants and undergarments to the floor, dragging me to his couch.

"I want you Suguru...is that okay?" he whispered gently in my ear. I gulped hard and nodded my head yes. Who was I to deny him what he wanted?

All it took was my approval and I was being ravished from head to toe, literally. His lips started at mine, working his was along my jaw and neck, down my chest and naval. He kissed along each leg before quickly kissing my lips one last time.

Oh man how I could just vision it was Tatsuha kissing me ever so gently, his hands traveling lower and lower.

"Oh yes..." I moan as his wet finger slips into me, stretching and pressing so very gently. His lips haven't left my skin for one second, only moving to suck along my collar bone.

"Suguru…I love you." Oh I almost want to cry for joy! I was loved! He loved me and whispered it so honestly.

I can feel my body being filled by him, rocked by him. His pace is slow and careful, but still so damn _good_. There couldn't be a better way to lose my virginity, to him no less.

"Please…faster." He's so happy to comply, lifting my hips to thrust harder and faster. His hands grip my hips hard as he slides in and out of me.

I'm so damn close, _so_ close and it feels so good. My arms fly above my head, grabbing a fistful of the couch. My moans increase as I can feel with each thrust that pressure build and build, ready to just explode.

And finally it does and I arch my back screaming all the way, yelling his name, that name that brought this un_believable _pleasure-

"Oh Tatsuha!"

My eyes open just the slightest to see a _complete_ stranger above me...but he really wasn't one. He just wasn't who I hoped he was.

And for that, I was _sure_ I was going to hell.

* * *

Hiroshi POV 

There is nothing…absolutely nothing that I can say about that...

He wasn't thinking about me obviously.

I shouldn't have had sex with him…I shouldn't have been so quick to pull it out. But I couldn't resist…I mean there he was…finally in my grasp. Finally mine.

Or so I thought…

Oh well.

He's asleep now, curled up beside me. I had enough energy after wards to bring both of us to my bed.

How idiotic can I get? I feel horrible…degraded.

And yet I still love him. I still stroke his face lovingly, just content being next to him.

I feel so…

I don't know. I don't know what's going on in my own mind right now.

You probably think I'm an idiot for being such a lovesick fool.

Truth is, I am. I'm an idiot.

Idiot.

End Chapter 3 

A/N. No Suguru, I'm going to burn in hell for that one. Please review...I feel like a loner. Oh and do tell me if you spot any mistakes...


	4. Done

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

Forgive delayed update.

Short Straw

Chapter 4- Done

Suguru's POV

Eerily enough, I haven't gone to hell. Haven't been struck down by some higher being that probably doesn't exist. And yet I still think it's the least I deserve. Hiroshi, after the first –and last, might I add- time we had sex, still hasn't so much as mention the fact that I cried someone else's name. Not at all.

Instead he goes about the day, seemingly not caring, or not even _knowing_ I was thinking of Tatsuha instead of him.

He spoils me, takes me out on dates, steals kisses whenever he can, and is the most romantic person I have _ever_ known. He pretty much tops Shuichi's clichés. And you and I must agree, that's saying a lot.

But these facts only prove to make me feel worse.

"Suguru, you alright?" I snap back to reality, looking towards Hiro. We're at a coffee shop, not to far from the studio for our lunch brake.

"I'm fine, just a little tired." Another lie. Lie, lie, lie. How many damn lies have I told Hiroshi?

He gives me a smile and reaches a hand across the table to caress my cheek lovingly. He strokes down to my chin, pulling me gently towards his lips for a sweet kiss.

"_Just pretend its Tatsuha…"_

I part my lips, welcoming his bitter tongue. Mm…coffee-flavored kiss. Now that's something I wouldn't mind to often. I moan softly, using my hand to bring him closer to me, pushing deeper into the kiss.

"_Its Tatsuha…"_

For fucks sake were in a _coffee shop. _But I can't resist that seductive tongue that's pushing around in my mouth, making me desire for more…

"_More Tatsuha…"_

I'm about to push this damn table aside and get what I really need, what I want, but-

"Excuse me!"

I pull away from the kiss quickly, staring face to face with a flushed…Hiro…not…not Tatsuha…

The owner of the shop looks at us with annoyance.

"Would you two take that somewhere _else_?"

Hiro clears his throat, and nods in embarrassment, putting some money on the table. Standing up, he hurriedly pulls me from the coffee shop.

* * *

Some time later

The doorbell to my apartment rings and I hurry to the door. Hiroshi said he was on his way, but I didn't think he would be here _already_. Grabbing the handle I pull open the door.

"Geez Hiro I didn't think you'd get here so…" My sentence is lost as I look into the eyes, of not Hiro, but…

"Tatsuha…" and there he stands before me, an aura of pride surrounds him, and red roses in his hand.

"Suguru." He responds, looking smug.

"W-what are you doing here?" He smiles and walks forward, closing the door. He drops the roses to the floor bringing his hands to rest on my hips. Slowly he steers me, backing me against a door…my _bedroom_ door.

"Tatsuha…I…" what the _hell_ is going on here?

* * *

Hiroshi

"Shuichi i really need to go now man." Hiroshi said in annoyed tone, throwing on his jacket.

"But _Hiro_! I'm bored, and my poor Yuki is off on a book signing for the rest of today! I need you to entertain me!" Shuichi whined closely behind his friend.

"I don't have time Shuichi. You can hang around here if you like but I need to go to Suguru's." Shuichi frowned and crossed his arms.

"Whatever happened to "bro's before hoe's?"" Shuichi pouted.

"I'll tell you what happened, Suguru turned out to be a boy, that's what." and with that he was out the door.

* * *

"Oh…Suguru." Tatsuha moaned, completely spent. Suguru fell forward in Tatsuha's arms, resting his head on his shoulder.

Tatsuha chuckles slightly, rubbing circles around his back.

"You're not half bad Suguru-chan" he purr's while grabbing Suguru's arse.

That was the most mind blowing sex imaginable, in Suguru's opinion. Not that he'd say it out loud, no sir. In fact, the only thing he could say, was one thing.

"Hiroshi..."

And there stood said person in the threshold of the door, a person who Suguru knew would probably never forgive. The man stood with the posture of a broken heart, the eyes filled with sight of betrayel. A person, who turned and walked away without a word.

"Oh Hiro..."

End chapter 4


	5. Lose

There is OOC this chapter...sorry -cries- I do my best! Really!

Short straw

Chapter 5-lose

Suguru's POV

Ever wake up due to the horrible pound of a headache that you just _know_ isn't going to go away? Don't you hate that?

I sure do.

Or maybe I hate my foolishness. Who knows? Either way I've fucked up pretty bad this time.

Sitting up in my bed I fought back the urge to cry, feeling the migraine shoot down my spine to my toes, swirling with guilt. And there stands the cause, buttoning his shirt and in an obvious hurry to get ready for something…

"Tatsuha-kun…" I moan out in pain, just begging for sympathy. I'm at my weakest, and I'm just dieing for some attention.

"What?" he snaps. Was he mad? Did I do something? I could feel my heart pump in my throat as I became sickeningly worried.

"Where…where are you going?"

"Home." Home? Why home? Is something wrong with his dad or something?

"Tatsuha is everything okay-"

"Look, Suguru, don't get so attached." He interrupted, pulling on his jeans. Oh goddamn migraine! It was making everything so much worse for me…why was Tatsuha being so mean? Why was he brushing me off?

"But Tatsuha…last night…" He lets out a short laugh as he begins to walk out the bedroom door.

"Last night? That was nothing Suguru. I happened to be in town, happened to be horny, and your legs were open. Feeling my flow?" He gave me his famous smirk as he walked out of my room.

"See you later Su-kun!" and the front door slammed shut.

At that point, I was in so much pain I couldn't even cry. I just sat there, trying so damn hard to wake up. This had to be a nightmare, none of this could be happening!

But me being a person who lived in reality, who took what was real with great understanding, I couldn't bring myself to erase this entire thing from my mind. So I just laid back in my bed, trying to catch some more sleep before I had to go to work.

Yet I couldn't…I couldn't get Hiroshi out of my mind. I couldn't get Tatsuha out of my mind. What in the hell was wrong with me? What had I done?

And still I'd known what I'd done, but I guess I just couldn't comprehend _why_. Why had I slept with Tatsuha? Why had I lied to Hiro?

Why?

And where the _fuck_ is my Advil?

* * *

Hiroshi's POV

I would gladly sell my soul to the devil, just so I wouldn't have to show my face anywhere out of my house ever again. How can I after what I saw last night?

I should have seen this coming. Should have known Suguru's "affection" was too good to be true, should have known that asshole of a monk would do something like this.

Everything in what's left of my sane head tells and screams at me to hate, blame and shout at Suguru. But in my heart I couldn't do it; all the love I had for him was getting in the way of my wrath. Getting in the way of what I _should_ feel. But what is a man to do?

I watched him…be taken by another person. The entire time I wanted to run in and beat the shit out of Tatsuha, then beg, _beg_ Suguru to love me.

But he doesn't, and no amount of begging, crying, shouting, or bribing will make him. I couldn't capture his heart, not with spoiling him, or loving him. This is what love does, it breaks your heart…broke his and then broke mine…

In my mind the image replays over and over and over again, urging me to vomit, urging me to go into a breakdown. But I keep my cool walking into work. I act as though I was on top of the world as I sit at the table next Shuichi, across from Suguru. I am the calm and collected Hiroshi Nakano. Home life never interrupts my professional life.

I can feel Suguru's eyes search for mine, but I won't give him a glance, for if I do I'll lose my posture. I'll lose my control.

And Hiroshi Nakano _never_ loses his control.

* * *

Later

Finally, _finally_ the workday is over. I can _finally _go home, giving me the advantage of avoiding Suguru's gaze.

But of course, as I'm about to step out of the studio I know its not over yet, for Suguru has just grabbed my arm.

"Hiroshi…can I please talk to you?" He looks up at me with pleading eyes. How can I deny him? I can't. Not a single thing in the world will let me say no to him. And despite my urge to shout, my urge to cry, to go into a rant, I walk back into the empty studio room. Looking down at the fidgeting Suguru.

So we stood there, waiting, waiting, and waiting some more, as Suguru couldn't seem to get his act together. Finally I sighed, putting on the kindest smile I could muster.

"Suguru-kun, I really need to get home. Can you please hurry a little?" was I believable? Do I sound like I'm on the verge of insanity?

He looked up to me, his eyes full of tears. His lips quivered as he struggled to hold them back.

"Nakano-san I…I'm _so sorry!_" Suguru cries, throwing himself into my arms. He wraps his arms around my waist as he chokes out his words.

"Nakano-san I am so sorry for all I have done to you, my lies, my deceiving, it was horrible of me! You are too great of a person for my foolishness and deserve much more then me! That's why…that is why I…"

I could feel my own tears weigh my eyes down, my own heart in my throat and it felt like a gigantic rock dropped in to my lungs. This was it, the breakup speech. It was over. All over. The one period of my life where that one person I loved so much was mine is over. It's all over…Suguru was going to leave me.

And I can feel it boil, the feeling where _all_ of my self-control just flies out the window. The feeling where I lose my ability to be stable, and I cannot suppress it.

I grabbed his wrists and pushed him hard from me, making him face me. His face was puffy and red, and tears kept strolling down, but at this moment I can care less.

My hands squeezed hard; shaking him in such anger I have never felt before…what was going on with me? I've become a fucking madman!

"So that's it huh! You fuck him and its over? God damn it Suguru! I fucking _love _you! And you know just as much as I do that he doesn't give a flying rats ass!" he cries harder and it only makes me more angry, more disgusted.

"Hiroshi you're hurting me!" he whimpers as my grip on his wrists get tighter. I push his hands against his chest, moving him against the wall. My body towers of Suguru, and he is very much intimidated. Good. _Good._ I'm _glad_ he's scared. I'm _glad_ I've lost my control, ruining any chances of me being with him now. I'm glad that he's crying to a point where he can't breath.

"I'm hurting you no less then you have me."

And then it clicks; that one part of your brain that tells you what and what not to do is kicking me in the ass for being so dumb.

What am I doing? Suguru he's...he's so scared and not just of anything, but of me...

Oh god what have I done? What have I done? I let go of his hands, backing away from him. I sink to the ground, unable to hold myself anymore.

I've lost control… I've hurt the one who means the most to me. I cannot be forgiven. He looks at me with the look of sorry, tears, pity, and guilt. Despite my assault to him he isn't afraid to sit on the floor next to me, to pull my face into his hands.

My tears have long since spilt from my eyes, continuing to flow silently as I know this is the moment.

This right here is when I really lose everything.

"Hiro…I don't love you…I'm so sorry for all I have done…" and then in a daring attempt he brings his lips to mine, one last time. And when he pulls back, he walks away.

And I can't help but notice the horrible bruise on his wrists.

I, Hiroshi Nakano, have lost my control. I have lost my posture, ability, and emotion. And most importantly…I lost Suguru…my heart, mind, body, and soul.

Why do I always lose?

End Chapter 5

I can just see the angry mob coming after me. x) forgive the harsh angst, I'm a sadist. Will there ever be happiness for the two? Keep reading and find out. I didn't have much time for editing, I have a project due tomorrow and I must go and finish it.

Review!


	6. Short

Oooo my computer crashed, so this is a rather delayed post. I'm going to focus on Hiro angst right now, just because I like making him sad x)

Short Straw

Chapter 6- It's Short

Hiro's POV

He's gone…everything is gone. After he shut the studio door all I remember doing is breaking down into hysterical sobs. None of this was fair, not one bit. I thought I had a chance with him, I thought that there could be something, but as it turns out I thought wrong.

I would gladly go back to where he considered me something more of a friend but less as a lover, gladly go back to being someone who would always be there to listen and advise, just so I could actually still _mean_ something to him. But now that's all gone.

I tried to get some sleep that night, tried to close my eyes with out the persistent image of Suguru with someone else. But it's impossible…I'm being taunted, teased and tortured with the never ending image of the one thing I desire the most.

Was it to much to ask for? To fucking much to want? When have I done something considered so foul I have become unworthy of having something I would kill to have? It's so painful to know that my last chance at happiness walked out the door.

Oh to hell with it…I can't sleep. Throwing my covers off my body I slip off the bed, walking in the dark towards the living room. I wonder if I should grab some ice cream and turn on sad movies like any other hopeless dump.

Sitting on the couch I find myself too relaxed to reach for the remote. I just…don't want to move. I want one thing only, and it's been made clear that I'll never have it.

I need to see him…I need to at least be his friend. The thought of going on and having no absolute meaning to him other then business is despairing. But hell it's so fucking late…

Grabbing my jacket and keys, I make my way to the front door, with my will set on not losing everything completely.

* * *

Suguru's POV

What have I done? The horrible cries of pain and anguish I heard as I walked down the hall away from the studio were…horrifying.

Hiroshi Nakano from my point of view truly loves me, yet I can't love him. But still a person of his character is deserving of it and so much more. He puts up with enough shit and yet it all goes unrewarded. And the only thing he seemed to want was the only thing impossible to give. My heart felt no pull towards his love and I think that's what kills me.

I want to love him, I want to need him like he needs me…I really do. But I just can't. It feels almost like a sin; I feel wrong and uncomfortable kissing or holding Hiroshi, but whenever I think of Tatsuha it feels like the most pleasant thing in the world.

When I...slept with Hiroshi, it felt almost disgusting. I didn't like it, his fingers, his body, his kisses. I didn't want it, even if it was pleasurable, for it just felt so wrong to even _think_ about afterwards. But when I was with Tatsuha, it was the most wonderful thing imaginable. Although my afterward experience was horrible.

Thinking back to recent events, I become nauseous. I think I shouldn't have left Hiroshi alone...he was in so much pain. But I had never seen him like that before, never seen him in so many tears. He made me fear him, made me so scared. I really thought he would do something drastic. I rub my wrists and wince in pain. They're a deep color of blue and purple and I worry that I won't be able to play my keyboard efficiently for a while.

How will I even be able to show my face tomorrow? How will I meet the eyes of everyone with marked hands and a self-esteem that is non-existent? Pulling my keys out of my pocket, I suck back my tears. As soon as I open my apartment door and step in, I notice Tatsuha's jacket lying on the hallway table.

"Hm...must have left it here last night."

And when I feel two hands slip firmly on my hips I become too afraid to scream.

"Yeah actually, I did. I got here at the right time no? I really didn't know when you got off work."

My body shakes, washing away the recent fear that struck through me.

"Tatsuha you scared the fuck out of me." I turn, pushing his hands off of me. I glare at him, feeling the hurt from this morning swirl.

"What do you think you're doing here?" He smirked, wrapping his hands around my back and slipped them teasingly over my arse.

"I forgot my jacket." And his lips seized mine in a poisonous kiss.

End chapter 6

* * *

Truthfully the name of this chapter was meant like, "It's short" as in the straw. Buuut it turned out to be some what of a play on the chapter, because the chapter is short! Don't kill me, it was the best I can do on my new medication. I've spent a while in the ER, and I normally shouldn't be even out of bed, but I really, really wanted to write!

Oh btw, arse is like, slang for ass. xD


	7. Simple

Short Straw

Chapter 7- Simple complexity

Hiro's POV

Something's not right... it's eleven pm, and Suguru's apartment door is wide open. A feeling of rush and anxiety swirls in my stomach; what's wrong? Should I go in? Although it's improper of me to just barge in but...what if he's _hurt, _or _in danger?_

To hell with formalities is my only thought as I quickly walk in the apartment. As I walk down the hallway I look into the bedroom seeing no one there, and quicken my pace when I hear a noise from the living room.

"Suguru?" I call out hurrying around the corner.

"Suguru are you okay-..."

Oh and he was okay...too okay. Happily okay with Tatsuha sucking his neck like a lollypop, and shoving his _disgusting _hands down his pants. Suguru of course, replying with moans and gasps...things only _I_ wanted to hear, things only _I_ wanted to be the administer of.

And time stops as I feel an anger boil in the pit of my stomach and wash over me like water. I felt the loss of all my control stir again; I was _pissed._

Tatsuha, that _bastard_. He's stealing what's _mine_ god damn it! He doesn't even give a flying fuck about Suguru! Why can't Suguru get that through his head?

I feel my heart speed up as watch Suguru slowly turn from Tatsuha and face me, looking mortified. Tatsuha follows his gaze and looks only surprised.

"What the hell are you doing here Nakano? Get the fuck out, we're busy." Tatsuha said in aggravation. And that pulls my trigger.

All I can feel is everything that has been killing me, the rage, the hurt and the betrayal. It's all I _want_ to feel. I stomp over to where Suguru and that piece of _scum_ is standing, and grab Tatsuha by the collar, pulling his face only a few centimeters away from mine.

I want to say something, curse and shout at him and break every bone in his fucking body, but with so much blood bent on destruction running threw me, the only thing I do is throw him as hard as I can against the nearest wall.

"You son of a bitch!" I shout as I punch him in the ribs, feeling the bones crack under my fist.

"Nakano-san! What the hell are you doing!" I feel a body throw itself against mine, knocking me off my balance. Pushing against the wall I keep myself from falling.

"Why are you here? Why are you doing this?" Suguru shouts as he pulls a beat up Tatsuha into his arms, trying to hold back his tears.

I looked at the pair, feeling myself shrinking into a dark little box, with all hopes of never coming out again. The look on Suguru's face...so much anger and hate, all directed at me. I can feel the flames of hell wrapping themselves around me as I begin to understand.

I get it. The thing I love most couldn't possibly hate me anymore then he does now...

"Su-Suguru! I...he doesn't give a _rats ass_ about you! He broke your fucking heart in two as though it didn't matter! And I...I'm willing to do _anything_ for you! I'd kill myself if it would make you happy!" I cried out, putting a fight into the last chance I had to redeem myself.

Suguru's lips quivered as I watched him sink to his knees, Tatsuha still in his arms.

"How...how _dare_ you! Why don't you kill yourself, huh? Get the fuck out! I never want to see you again!"

* * *

Suguru's POV

I wanted to _hate_, and wish the wrath of _hell_ on Hiroshi for what he said...but in truth he wasn't lying. Its reality. For as soon as Hiroshi left, so did Tatsuha. But somehow I didn't care...I still don't. I understand now, I _get_ it. Tatsuha doesn't love me...not like I love him. So what's the use?

Everyone was silent at work the next day. Hiroshi looked a _mess_. He came in late, his clothes were the same he had on yesterday, and dark circles around his eyes, and held himself with the posture of a broken heart...

Shuichi was also silent, busy writing his lyrics. Sakano was in a meeting with Seguchi-san, which left K here with us, but even the normally energetic and dangerous American was silent, with a look of concentration on his face.

"Fujisaki let me see your hands." I look at K in surprise, and carefully under the table push my sleeves over my wrists.

"W-what?"

"I said let me see your hands." Backed into a corner, I slowly raise my hands above the table and look around for some sort of distraction. K rolls my sleeves up and observes my bruises.

"Where did you get these from?" he asked, obvious suspicion laced in his tone.

I withdrew my hands and didn't answer, having not an idea what excuse would get me out of this one.

"I-I don't know. I woke up with it like that." My eyes flickered over to Hiroshi who was looking at the table, not an emotion in his soul to be seen.

Finally I looked up to meet K's eyes, but now they were averted to Hiroshi.

"I'm cutting work off early today. Go home, rest up and Shuichi, finish those damn lyrics or you'll walk home from work tomorrow with a head full of bullets! Ah, Fujisaki, I'll give you a ride home, come with me."

* * *

So I followed K-san to his car, and got in, despite the fact his driving was the cause of many deaths. But I really was on the verge of welcoming my grave. I was ashamed, so very ashamed of what I had done to Hiroshi...And I admitted this to K-san. 

I admitted _everything_ to K-san. I told him from the very start up until last night in full detail. And it wasn't till I was finished did I realize the car had pulled to the side of the road, and I was sucking back tears that fell against my best attempts to keep them up.

I looked at K and watched as he sighed and turned to look at me.

"So you love them both huh?" I looked up at him in confusion; he must have not understood me correctly.

"No...No K-san I don't love Nakano-san I-" He shook his head and looked at me.

"Whether you realize this or not kid, you love him too. Or else you wouldn't be this down...okay sure, any normal person would certainly regret breaking their friends heart, but you Suguru are feeling broken too." This was getting weird...I don't think he knows what he's talking about.

He sighed again.

"How do I put this in words...You love both. I've given you that conclusion, but I think that truly, you love Tatsuha _more _then Hiroshi. Hiroshi in your opinion is second best. You said you feel horrible remorse for what you've done to Hiroshi, am I correct?" I nodded.

"Well you can't feel regret, or hurt, or agony over something you never once felt love or happiness over. One emotion can't work without the other Fujisaki. You _want_ to love him is what you said, but you also said you want to _hate_ him for what he's done. You can't love or hate what you've never hated or loved. So that's the conclusion. You love him, and you love Tatsuha."

I think my heart stopped beating when I was told this; I didn't think I wanted to believe it...its rubbish! K-san's words made me feel like I was...betraying Tatsuha. But then again it made me so confused.

"Well how does that work K-san," I voiced, "When, for example, there's a person at school who absolutely hates you, and you hate back with the fullness of your mind and soul, how is there any love there at all?"

K-san chuckled.

"There are many kinds of love, Fujisaki. Jealousy is a type of love, lust is a love, and things you wouldn't image are types of love. But in answer to the bully situation, any person who's bullied normally feels _envious_ that the other person is able to have control of his emotions, play games with them and hurt them in ways. Envy is a type of love Suguru. But that's not the point. You don't envy Hiroshi, nor is he a bully, despite the marks he put on your wrists. You love him, although in your eyes he is second best."

I took this all in, with a great consideration, but in the end it only made my head hurt more. Made my heart heavy.

"K-san just please get me home." And off we went without another word.

I feel like a fool for telling K-san all those things...because really his advice gives me more of a headache then it does help me. I thought I had everything set out in my mind, I thought everything was clear, but now it has all gone out of whack. I can't seem to understand anything I thought I understood before now.

Now my thoughts are full of foolish ideas and questions, and all of them are answered as simply as K-san had laid it out for me.

I love them both, but I...I _can't_ love Hiroshi, even though I do. I want Tatsuha, I want to live, breath, see and be with Tatsuha forever.

Oh god what am I saying...I don't love Hiroshi! I love Tatsuha! God damn it I can't understand myself!

But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm sure I'll most likely never see Tatsuha again, and Hiroshi probably hates my guts for all the horrible things I've done to him...

Will I ever fucking catch a break?

End chapter 7

I did this chapter in such a rush so please forgive my mistakes, I've been busy studying for math finals! Hard, hard, hard! But tomorrow I will be FREE! I can actually sit, read fanficiton, paint, draw, sleep, eat, LIVE!

Extra note: I went through this again and after so long of this being posted, I realized "oh holy CRAP I spelt _road_ wrong. ROAD. How sad is that!

Review my pretties.


	8. Mental

Oh dear god I'm so sorry I've taken so long to update. Warning: lots and lots of potty mouth Suguru.

I also find the need to explain myself for chapter 8.

Point A: Yes! Suguru talked to K for advice! And when I re-edited I erased the word confided because even _on_ medication I should have known that it means to trust a secret to someone with courage! So I changed it around. I honestly didn't want to make it to ooc...But hell, everyone knows K-san has got his moments xD maybe I should have given him a gun to make it more realistic : ah well

Point B: Tehe, I love torturing Hiroshi and Suguru...although the reason I put in the last bit was to help me throw on some reasoning for Suguru's future motives. Otherwise I'd be getting reviews or emails from people going "wtf? Are you mentally disabled? What were you thinking?" and I'd be just as screwed as Ryuichi in the shower with Tatsuha.

Point C: I noticed when editing my entire story (I did! I really did fix all my mistakes!) That in the chapter after Suguru and Tatsuha rock the bed Tatsuha "...pulled on his black jacket." When later I wrote that Suguru noticed Tatsuha's jacket at his apartment after Tatsuha had indeed taken it with him xD so I changed it to Tatsuha pulling on his shirt. I'm surprised no one commented on that...xD lucky me.

Well now, on with this chapter!

Short Straw 

Chapter 8- Mental

Hiro's POV

They say "time heals wounds,", and then they say, "But it always leaves a scar". Well, I say, that's the shit the cat coughed up. No amount of time was going to help me recover from all this, and no way in hell would I have a scar; nope. I'm still bleeding.

Truly no cliché or cheesy, tacky metaphor was good enough to screw me over like it normally does. There was no happy ending, no dream fairytale. This was the end. Simple as that. It had been made all to clear to me that Suguru didn't love me, and although that hurts, I can learn to deal with it.

Yet even though I'm dealing with it, I can't help but...still love him. I can't help but gazing at him with a strong sense of longing and dreaming, I can't help but watch him play his keyboard with a passion that resembled that of a feeling so strong there couldn't be a possible comparison. I can't help but wish he was mine.

My hope to once again at least be his _friend_ was just as out of reach as his love. As soon as the day after the whole incident, everything I guess...went back to one. Everything started back to the day Suguru first came to the band. He was there for business and for the name of music and that was it. The fact only made me want to fall to my knees and cry.

So what is a man that can't move on to do? Invite his best friend over to his apartment and get wasted out of his mind.

Normal POV

Hiroshi took another lazy swig of beer as sat down on the couch next to Shuichi.

"Jesus Christ Hiro, that's like, your ninth bottle." Shuichi said worriedly, taking a small sip of what was still only his first beer of the night.

Hiro just made a grumble of a noise and took another drink. He didn't care how many bottles he had; just so long as he fell asleep that night forgetting everything about everything.

"Do you think I'll ever be loved Shuichi?" Hiro asked as he gazed sadly at his reflection on the bottle.

Shuichi sighed, setting down his alcohol on the table before him, and laid back into the couch.

"I'm sure you will Hiro. You're a wonderful person, you've got millions of girls, and I'm sure guys, worshipping you, and you're drop dead handsome." Shuichi replied. Hiro glared at him.

"I can't tell whether your being serious, or sarcastic." He growled out, taking yet _another_ large chug of beer.

"I'm being neither! You're _twenty one_ Hiro! You have a whole life time ahead to really worry about falling in love. Don't let one bad relationship experience make you think it's all over."

'Such hypocrisy should be illegal.' Thought Hiro as his anger boiled hot.

"Damn it Shuichi that's the _same _god damn idea as what I tell you with your _"relationship issues_" with Mr. Damned-sadistic-evil-piece-of-shit-from-hell Yuki-san! You know how I feel so stop acting like an ignorant prick!"

Shuichi returned Hiro's glare, but then sighed and shook his head.

"Fine, whatever, sorry. Let's say you and me get drunk now, huh?" Shuichi said, plastering a grin on his face to lighten the mood. Hiro took his turn to sigh too, chugging the rest of his bottle.

"Sounds like a plan." Hiro said.

In a slice of silence, Shuichi's eyes widened as he stared at his bottle, his ditsy mind obviously thinking about something.

"Yeah...a plan..." Shuichi whispered, seeming to concentrate more. Hiro quirked an eyebrow.

"What?" Shuichi shook his head and took a swallow of his beer.

"Nothing."

Suguru's POV abouttwo months later

"_You love Hiroshi."_

Ugh! Shut up head! Shut up, shut up, shut up! Drop dead, go to hell and burn damn it! I just can't sleep with that never ending nagging voice drifting through my head, with all intentions of bending me over a table and screwing me over! What did I ever do to piss you off conscience? Huh?

Okay...I've officially _lost_ my mind.

"_No shit Sherlock! About god damn time you admitted it. You pretty much lost it when you broke it off with Hiroshi."_

Go away you cunt! I just want to fucking _sleep_! Maybe if I throw my pillow over my head he'll shut up and I can drift off into a peaceful slumber...oh yeah...that's comfy.

"_You dumb ass."_

So much for that theory.

"_How can you be such a prick? Hiroshi loved you so much. You had someone who loved you, who would be loyal to you. He was everything you need and want, but no, your head's to far up your ass to get that."_

Ouch. Man talk about low self-esteem. Since when was my personality such an asshole...wait, don't answer that.

Besides, doesn't matter anyway. I'm sure Hiroshi despises me now for what happened. Even if I did love him, nothing can be done.

"_Damn it, since when were you such a crybaby? "even if I did love him" don't you even listen to yourself anymore? Haven't I made my point _clear_ enough for you?"_

For about two months now, ever since that ride home with K-san, I've been contemplating and debating in my head all the facts and emotions and feelings...and it's come to this: the end of my sanity.

That nagging voice won't go away. It's always there to remind me what I lost, and it's beginning to hurt...really hurt...

I mean after thinking about it so much; so what if I love Hiroshi Nakano! It's not like I'll ever see Tatsuha again, or Hiroshi will ever talk to me again. I mean, everything's the same as day one at NG. We're co-workers, nothing more.

So even though I'm getting my ass whooped by my on _mind_, nothing will change.

"_Damn straight I won't go away! I won't until you've admitted to me, that if you were given the chance, you would run back to Hiroshi's arms."_

Oh like I'm going to admit that; who do you think I am? Your bitch?

"_That's exactly who I think you are. Now admit it, bitch!"_

Hell no.

"_Hell yes!_"

No!

"_YES!"_

Fine! _Fine! _I would! I would love to feel what it's like to be loved again! I admit that I had tried to make everything with Hiroshi seem so bad when thinking about it now, it's all anyone could dream for! I wish I would have fallen in love with him sooner! And god _damn it_ I wish it didn't take pity and a multiple personality to make me finally get that I love him! THERE happy!

"_...more then I needed. But made me feel better. I'll be going back to the dark corners of your mind now until you need me to give you a kick in the ass again."_

Whatever. Just let me sleep in peace.

"_Night."_

Good night.

"_whistle Sure is lonely over here..."_

Oh just go away.

"_Fine. I see how it is."_

You bet your ass.

So with my mind at rest, I was able to let what I had admitted run over in my head, and for once, I didn't try to disagree. Yes this was the total old fashioned cheesy situation, where you really "don't know what you have until it's gone."

I feel horrible for everything, and I hate myself for falling to my own weakness; thinking too much.

When it all comes down to underwear and stockings, it isn't a bad thing that I...that I'm attracted to Hiroshi, but it's not a good thing either. It's just another heart ache...another longing I'll have that will never be satisfied.

Of course I still love Tatsuha, but now it's more in the lost cause sort of sense. You can never really let go of something you hold on so tightly to. The sense that I love Hiroshi in...well it will never be as strong as my longing for Tatsuha, and it's more of a painful shame feeling. I mean if I think about it, if I had even thought to give it a try...it wouldn't have ended like this. Ended with two months where I had to question my own decisions.

Two months. It seems like it's been so much longer. It seems like I've been sitting here forever, trying to catch some sleep, and in the mean time as the seconds turn to minutes, a part of me understanding finally. To think about it...this sort of thing should have taken longer. I shouldn't have come to terms with it until so much farther along, but with an emotion so great hanging on the edge helplessly, well, you certainly can't walk away.

You have to pull it up, knowing with each tug that it is so simple just to let go.

So why don't we? Why don't we all just let go of the fury we have, the hurt we hold, and the love we dream, when it's just as easy as dropping a pin? Why cause ourselves so much pain?

Well whatever the reason, my newly found love was something I simply can't let go, in punishment for the cruelty I have caused Hiro. For breaking his heart, I need to break mine, again. For as the months turn to years, and the years turn to dust, Hiroshi Nakano, I will try to make up for my mistakes. And I will do that, by simply living on with the weight of my stupidity and the deepness of my desires on my shoulders.

"_Sure you don't want me around no more?...I mean yanno...make you some coco or rub your back or something?" _

Yes, I'm mental.

End Chapter 8

WOW! I was expecting myself to write more angst then that! I hope it didn't seem to sudden that Suguru kind of "loves hiro" now. So that's why I put in the mental battle thingy... for humor and for a bit of a purpose. Because honestly his situation happened to me, and Im sure countless others before, where you were loved so strongly by someone, but you loved someone else, and then when that loving person is gone you understand that they made everything in your world so much better.

I know K-san's theory of "can't hate what you never loved, nor love what you never hate" seems a lil'...wrong most of the time sort of thing, but don't worry, within the last chapters there will be sort of a thing that puts a closure to that. If you look real hard that is. Well see you next chapter!

P.S. Shuichi had a thinking moment! Remember that one folks, it will be the twist next chapter! (if you have an idea of what it is to the bone, email meh!)


	9. Bullet

Short Straw

Chapter 9- Bullet to my head

Normal POV

"Do you think it will work?" Shuichi asked as helooked at a grinning K.

"Oh it will."

* * *

Hiro's POV

Two months. Two months since that night, and with every mere second that passes, I'm losing even more of my mind.

Since when did I become this weak? I remember a time and day when being rejected was something that happened on a normal bases and I could still go on with a smile, but now, keeping up the cheerful and normal Hiroshi Nakano is getting so much harder and harder. I can't stand this!

My heart and mind and body are totally consumed with what I so dearly want. I need him, I need to feel him, kiss him, love him...but I can't. I'm not allowed to. You're never allowed to touch what isn't yours, no matter how much you want it.

"Hiro? Hirooooooooooshi! Aren't you listening to me? You asshole! I'm trying to tell you something!" huh? What? Oh yeah, that's right. I was supposed to be listening to Shuichi.

"Sorry, what were you talking about?" the elevator gave a "ding!" and we both walked out to the front lobby of NG.

"Hiro! You weren't listening! I was saying that _you_ have a date tonight!" A date? Since when the hell did I have a date?

"Since when, and with whom?" So help me god Shuichi, if you set me up on a date with some weird, crazy ass fan girl, or possibly another _guy_,_again_ I will personally, take K's gun, do a huge favor to society, and shoot you.

He smiled mysteriously and evilly, and said with a sing-song voice "Me of course! Yuki's near his deadline, so he's being a grouch. So, I figure, "Hey! Since Yuki won't bother to make me dinner, and since you have nothing to do, we should go out for food!" Like good old times, yanno?"

Well excuse me; how would he know if I had plans or not, huh? Jeeze Shuichi, you said it as though you were rubbing it in that I have no social life.

"Well, what if I have something else to do tonight huh? What would you say to that?" He gave me a blank look, as though I had just asked the dumbest question possible.

"But...you don't have any plans." He said _too_ honestly.

Sighing, I shake my head. My best friend really has no regards for other feelings or his own stupidity. Looking at Shuichi, I give him a small smile.

"So...I'll call you later to tell you which restaurant?"

"Sounds good."

* * *

Normal POV, back up in the studio

"A business dinner? What for?" Suguru asked as he pulled on his jacket. K stood next to the door, arms crossed with a bored expression on his face.

"Well it's not really a business dinner; we just need to discuss some arrangements that need to be made so we can proceed to begin the next album. Paperwork to fill out and some touring plans that needs to be discussed. I've already gone over the details with Nakano-san and Shindou-san, but I have yet to do so with you." Suguru frowned at his given answer and proceeded to gather together some sheets of music into a file.

"Well that's just dandy and all, but why can't it wait until tomorrow? Why must we do businessover dinner?" K only smiled and shook his head slightly.

"I've noticed how late you work, and how early you come in lately. Your eating habits are almost non-existent. Just thought it would relieve me to see you actually eat _real_ food, and trust me, the vending machine snacks you grab to eat while you work, isn't real food." Suguru didn't respond, not finding a need to. He had a habit of throwing himself into his work and no matter what K-san said the habit never seemed to be a bad one.

"Besides," K grinned, "I thought it would be fun for you to go out." Suguru nodded, as though not listening and walked out the door, holding it open for K to follow.

"So, dress up nice too. I'll pick you up at around seven tonight."

* * *

Hiroshi and Shuichi

Hiroshi sat down at the table in the dimly lit, four star restaurant. The air was filled with a delicious smell of various foods and quietly chatting people. He picked up the menu, opening it to the dinner section.

"You don't seem to happy Hiro! I thought you'd love to come out to dinner with me! Shuichi Shindou, famous, hot, sex-symbol of Japan! But noooooo- you're all gloomy and bored! How insulting..."Shuichi wailed dramatically, flailing his arms about.

Hiroshi just sighed and peered over his menu to look at his friend.

"Shuichi calm down, you're drawing attention to yourself." Shuichi 'humphed' and settled back into his chair. Yet, as quickly as he had calmed down, his mind seemed to work properly for the first time in his life, and he stood up straight. His expression was that of someone remembering something, with his eyes wide and mouth slightly opened.

Reaching around and digging into his back pocket, Shuichi pulled out a thick, black ribbon sort of thing. Hiroshi just stared in wonderment at him as he walked behind Hiroshi's chair.

"I have a really big birthday surprise for you Hiro! So I have to put this over your eyes so you can't see it till I put it riiiiiight in front of you!" Shuichi exclaimed as he wrapped the cloth over Hiro's eyes, tying it in the back.

"Shuichi...my birthday was six months ago." Hiro said, not so surprised by this random Shuichi moment.

Shuichi only proceeded with his cheerful attitude, patting his friend on the back.

"Well then, happy belated birthday! Now don't you make any noise. Not a word until I pull off that blindfold, 'kay?"

"M'kay." Hiroshi said, resting his head on his fist; man this was turning out to be a boring night. But then again, it was better then being home alone, thinking about Suguru...

"K-san what in the hell do you think your doing? Why are you making me walk to the table with a blindfold on?" Okay now Hiro's mind was playing tricks on him; no way could that have been Suguru.

"You'll see! It's a surprise! Just calm down and go with the damn flow!" _Now there was no doubt that that was K-san...what was going on here?_ Hiro thought, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

He heard the chair across from his scrape on the floor as it was pull out and pushed in for someoneto sit in. And with a cool feeling of the blindfold being brushed against his skin and pulled from his eyes, he felt his heart stop.

"Suguru?" Hands pulled away the blindfold from the keyboardists eyes as well, as both men's mouth dropped ever so slightly.

"K-san, what is the meaning of this?" Suguru snapped, still gazing in wonder at Hiro.

"What the fuck Shuichi?" Hiro barked as he glanced with longing at the person before him.

But the only answer the two got was the sound of two people's laughter and footsteps away from the table.

"Enjoy your meals, boys! And don't even think about leaving until eight thirty, or don't be surprised to receive a head full of bullets, courtesy of me!"

End Chapter 9

Omg...don't kill me! I've tried to update, I have! But I've had a lot of cheerleading stuff going on! I got sick at our camp to, hence, why I came home early, hence why I'm able to update.

So how'd you like this little cliffie, eh? OH OH OH OH PLEASE READ: If you didn't get it, because i honestly just now noticed that I didn't care to explain it, this is what Shuichi got from his random "thinking" moment last chapter. This was his plan. Aren't you just proud of that lovable ditz?

Well yes, now I feel like such a loser for not explaining that...maybe I'll have Shuichi come out and say it some other chapter...or maybe I won't. Just depends if I remember when I wake up or not.

See you all next chapter!

/  
Review.


	10. Spin

Short Straw

Chapter 10- Spin

Hiroshi's POV

There have been countless and numerous occasions where I would like nothing more then to just smack the shit out of Shuichi Shindou, in all hopes to turn him back to normal. This being one of them.

But truly, the situation isn't as awkward as it should be, I mean, I _work_ with Suguru Fujisaki, I _live_ with him when we tour. So why should dinner be so bad?

Either way, it seemed the worst possible situation for Suguru. After a moment of just looking at me horrified, he quickly stood. Does he really hate me that much? Is he that sickened by the sight of me?

Well fuck, what did I ever do other then love him?

I reach over the table to grab his arm before he turns to walk away, pulling his attention towards mine.

"You heard K-san, no use risking your life." he looked at me with lidded eyes and a soft frown. He sat on the edge of his chair as though ready to jump and run at any moment.

And we sat in silence, a very uncomfortable silence. His gaze would never meet my own, but that didn't stop me from looking. Suguru looked smaller and paler then ever, with a look of a restless person. In my opinion, he should work less.

"You look worse and worse everyday." For the love of god please tell me I didn't just say that. He snapped up quickly, glaring at me with a deadly look.

"Since when did I ask for your opinion?" Things are just going to keep getting worse tonight, I can tell that for sure.

Normal POV

"You didn't need to. Really I was only stating fact, is that not a good conversation starter?" Hiroshi replied coyly, continuing to feed out more and more of his pent up stress. So what? It was his turn to vent and if Suguru could deal on day to day bases with the emotional runs of Shuichi, he can sure as hell deal with a few snappy comments.

"Some facts are best left unsaid, Nakano-san." Suguru replied, bent on having the last word.

Hiroshi only smirked as he set down his menu on top of Suguru's. "I'm really only concerned for my co-workers declining health, you seem to be paler and thinner every day! Have you not been eating? Or is there just no time in between bonking your brains out with Tatsuha and sleeping?" After Hiroshi threw that bread crumb to the bird he sat back in his chair, not even flinching at the cruelness his words held.

Suguru however took it, his eyes also falling flat. What was true was true, and it couldn't be avoided.

The silence became welcome for the first time in a long time. Neither of them could, nor wanted to talk. It was best just to get the night over with before someone ended up with a ring around their neck.

Man in black and pansy in pink, aka K-san and Shuichi

"_Why _in the hell must we have codenames K-san, and why must we use binoculars when we are only hiding behind the bush in front of the restaurant window?" Shuichi complained in a loud whisper.

"Shut up pansy in pink! You must not give away our name or location or the enemy will find us!" K-san growled while watching Hiroshi and Suguru place their orders with the waitress.

"What enemies! K-san your-"

"Man in black, say it with me, Man in black! Do you want your family hunted down, killed and destroyed? Because once they know your true name they will!"

Shuichi's eyes became big and watery and instantly Shuichi was crying.

"Nooooo! Yuki!"

Hiroshi and Suguru

"I...Nakano-san I'm sorry..." Suguru said, finally breaking the everlasting silence between them.

Hiroshi looked up from his food with a bored expression. "Sorry for what?"

"Well...I...-"

"Sorry because I wasn't good enough for your liking? Sorry because you lied to me? Sorry that I caught you getting banged by your precious Tatsuha? Or are you sorry that even though I gave every last thing that I was to you and you just didn't give a damn? Hm? Which is it Fujisaki?" Hiroshi responded crudely, taking a sip of his drink.

Suguru's face became red with anger as his fists clenched. How dare he? How dare he throw his apology in his face?

"At least I'm apologizing, when you don't seem to have the decency too!" Hiroshi only rolled his eyes.

"And what should I have to apologize for, because I sure as hell am not the cheating whore at this table!" Suguru stood and slammed his hands against the table, his chair flying back and his glass of water tipping.

"At least I didn't attack anyone! At least I didn't beat the shit out of Tatsuha! And damn it, at least I didn't make the one I love oh so fucking much fear me while shaking him and bruising him for breaking up with me!"

The pot of boiling water had been tipped. Suguru's and Hiroshi's build to anger had exploded into everything silent. Other couples and families sat in silence as they stared at the two.

Looking at everyone around him, staring at him like he was some sort of freak, Suguru felt small. He sat himself back down, picking up his fallen glass of water and cleaning up the mess with his napkins.

Hiroshi continued to eat in silence, blocking everything out. He was ashamed, he was embarrassed and most of all, he was hurt.

Suguru just looked at him with hopelessness and disbelief. After all this time of battling with himself, after all this time of confusion and finally, after all this time of coming to the only possible resolution, was this how it was going to end? Was this all his mental stress amounted up to? He hated Hiroshi...he really, really hated Hiroshi for all this.

"_You can't love or hate what you've never hated or loved."_

He hated and loved Hiroshi, so much...it can't end like this. It just can't...

"Is this it?" Suguru whispered. His thoughts and his words and this entire situation was spinning around in his head and he became dizzy. He couldn't do this anymore, he need to pull himself away from this situation.

Hiroshi finally looked up with sight confusion and annoyance. "What do you mean?"

Pulling out his wallet and throwing some money on the table, Suguru stood and turned to make his leave.

"Please inform K-san I won't be showing up for practice anymore...I'm quitting Bad Luck."

End Chapter 10

Sorry about the long wait, I just sort of...lost my inspiration for this story for a while. I wanted more angst in this chapter! But I've been just SO happy lately so it's hard to bring myself into the moment! UGH! So yes, this has to be one of the worst chapters yet...sorry


	11. Me

Oh you lucky bastards who've been craving this update. The return of school, the return of student council, the return of a shit load of stuff to do is the cause for my recent stress, hence recent update. When my mind is spinning, it's the best time to give you folks another dose of my crappy story. Enjoy.

Short Straw

Chapter 11- Hate me Love me

Normal POV

It took fast, heavy steps to carry Suguru out of that restaurant. It as all too much; he just didn't know what he wanted anymore. He was in love; he wasn't in love, where would it all end?

Certainly now, that's for sure. He was sure telling Hiroshi he quit and walking out was very stupid and very childish, and would probably bring on weeks of papers to sign and answers to face. He was serious about leaving damn it!

The rain fell as he walked on and all he could think about was how he probably wouldn't quit the band.

Hiroshi

He watched the back retreat out of the restaurant quickly as though running for his life. He could only stare, could only hope this wasn't the end.

"_I'm quitting bad luck."_

How could this happen? God damn it, what ever happened to living happily ever after? What ever happened to a gentle kiss of reconciliation and acknowledgment of ones love for each other after so long of fighting it off?

What had happened to himself?

Hiroshi was at loss for an answer to any of those questions. So he simply sat in surprise, stirring his food around on his plate.

Man in black and pansy in pink

"Should we go after him K?" K-san sighed and glanced sadly at a hopeless looking fool stirring his food around on his plate and another hopeless fool, seemingly running for his life out of the restaurant.

"No...As much as it kills me to say it Pink pansy, I think we've done our share of meddling..."

Suguru

God he was so cold. The rain had drenched his jacket completely and he was no where near home.

Did he mention he was cold?

It was so odd, but he had a longing, some sort of desire as he walked along the sidewalk, for warmth. He just wanted love, didn't he? Why was he being so stupid? Why did he keep running away when everything he could ever want was chasing him?

The cold does crazy things to you, Suguru thought, crazy things like make him question his decisions.

There was no going back. None.

Yet he couldn't help but deny the fact that love also made him do crazy things.

Hiroshi

Hiro dropped his fork on the table and left the American cuisine to chill even more. The rain was falling hard and the harder it fell, the more Hiro lost his appetite.

How could he just sit here? How could he be so stupid? Suguru wasn't going to come back, no matter how hard it rained.

He threw his money on the table and hoped he could still catch up with Suguru.

* * *

The footsteps pounded heavy and fast as the man wearing nothing but a thin button up shirt and black sacks ran along the side walk. The rain fell like cold rocks yet it only encouraged him along. 

Every story has that happy ending, that moment where finally all struggling is overcome. Each step brought him so much closer to an ending that's fate rested in the hands of the one he searched for.

How long had he been running? He didn't know. He didn't even know if he was on the right way. But he could only hope, hope he knew what he was doing even if his conscience at the moment argued he didn't.

His legs hurt but not nearly as much as his heart. If he stopped for that breath, stopped for that split second it could mean the end of it all. He needed to find Suguru, had to find him. But of course, he was dumb enough too spilt into a run instead of jumping to his motorcycle. Oh well. He was a hopeless fool who searched for his other half and the light shining in his eyes darkened his view of all that was sane.

However unfortunate for him though, that he is only human, and every human has a limit. Miles of running or what seemed to be miles is too much, and he fell to his hands and knees and gasped for breath, each one more precious then the last.

His hair was tangled and wet and fell heavily along the side of his face, his clothing stuck to his skin and never in his life had he been so numb...so cold...

"Hiro?"

It was timid and quiet, almost a pleading voice. It came from his right and never in his life had he been so relieved.

"Hiroshi?"

He could hardly move, but for this he would, oh he would move. He crawled inch by inch to the right into a small alley. Cuddled with his arms around his knees under a very soaked jacket was a very pale and shivering Suguru.

Hiro smiled and flung with whatever strength was left over Suguru. The one he needed. The one he loved oh so dearly.

Suguru was so very tired, so very cold. The presence of another did little to pull him out of his longing for a sleep, for a deep, deep sleep.

"Hiroshi I'm so tired..."

Hiro moved his hands to cup Suguru's face so he could gaze better into those half lidded brown eyes. The boy's lips were purple and his face very white. He was shivering and just as drenched as Hiro was from head to toe.

"Please Hiro..." Suguru pleaded, but for what he wasn't sure. To be saved? To be helped? To be let alone? To...to...

Hiro pulled Suguru's arms to his sides, pushing between his legs. Slowly he pulled Suguru into his, tilting his face down to push his lips against very, very cold ones. His blood felt like it was freezing with those smaller and talented fingers wrapping around his neck. He could hardly feel Suguru's response, could hardly feel the smaller boy return the kiss with the remaining energy he had.

"Hiroshi stop." Suguru pushed away and out of Hiro's lap. He scooted backwards until his back hit a brick wall.

Hiro only crawled to him though. He grabbed Suguru by the arms and looked him square in the eyes.

"Why Suguru? I love you so much; I can give you anything...why?"

"_You love him..."_

Suguru's eyes welled with painful tears and he felt as though he was going to brake. The grip on his arms was strong yet so weak. The look in Hiroshi's eyes was desperate and loving.

Suguru loved him so much.

"Please say you love me too Suguru." Hiroshi begged.

Suguru's eye lids started to fall slowly. He was so tired...so cold.

"So tired..."

"Suguru please!"

Hiroshi's face was bright and spinning. Oh god the spinning was making him so sick.

He felt his body being pulled against the others again, felt arms hold him tight, heard voices beg him for something, heard sobs wrack through this cold lonely stranger holding him.

"Hiroshi..." It was Hiroshi wasn't it? Damn this cold...

"Oh god, Suguru please...please!"

Please what? What does Hiroshi want? What could he possibly need that Suguru had?

Suguru sat up straight in Hiroshi's lap, gazing down. He watched the rain pitter patter on his face, his gray blue eyes staring back. God Suguru was tired, so damn tired...

"Please...I love you..."

Suguru was loved. He was always loved, and he knew damn well he needed that. His heart felt a stab and his tears continued to fall with the rain as his tiredness and insanity was pushed aside for just that moment. For just a split second nothing was confusing, nothing was contemplating inside Suguru's head; there was no "on the other hand." There was Hiroshi. There was love. And there were sweet lips that he pressed against with so much force it hurt. It hurt to be loved and to love so much.

His hands cupped Hiroshi's face as they kissed fiercely, his tongue working its way through parted lips. Hiro's hands wrapped around Suguru's waist, pulling him closer for whatever heat they could share.

It was cold, it was raining, and for all anyone knows they were probably on the verge of unconsciousness, but they didn't care. All they needed was that one kiss, that one moment where nothing was stopping them.

Love makes you do crazy things, like kiss till you can't breath.

End Chapter 11

So I didn't edit that AT ALL. I'll leave it to when I have the time to edit it. I hope you enjoyed this, it was so rushed and everything. Oh well. Can't wait till next chapter then! See you when I get around to it.


	12. Slow

Short Straw 

Chapter 12

Slow 

Light was warm and harsh against his closed eyelids, bringing him awake painfully from a deep sleep. His head hurt and he felt disgusting for some reason under many, many warm blankets. Nothing would move, despite his demands to. He felt weak, and wanted nothing more then to go back to sleep, but a warm hand brushing through his hair made it very much impossible.

His eyes flickered open and he looked around his surroundings finding it to be his apartment. To his side, the hand that was brushing through his hair led up an arm all the way to the body of Hiroshi Nakano.

The brunette smiled warmly down at Suguru and pulled back his hand.

"What...what's going on?" Suguru croaked from his dry, scratchy throat. Hiroshi grabbed a glass of water from the nightstand and handed it to him, which Suguru drank quite thankfully.

"You...passed out in that alley, K-san came to get us, and you got a cold. You've been asleep for about," Hiroshi looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand. "Well, all through last night, and it's now 5:30...twenty two hours."

Suguru handed him the glass of water and plopped his head back down on the pillow, snuggling further under the warm blankets.

Hiroshi looked at him expectantly for a moment, but sighed and shook his head. Slowly he stood and began to walk out the door.

"Where are you going?" Hiroshi only turned and shook his head again.

"Home."

"Why?" Hiroshi raised an eyebrow at the bundle of human and blankets.

"You're awake. Besides I highly doubt you want me here." And there was silence for a minute. Hiroshi walked back over to the side of the bed, looking down at the half hid face and slightly opened eyes.

"Last night you weren't in your right mind. Therefore I understand your lack of feelings for me. However, I also understand that your comment about quitting Bad Luck was a childish outburst and I'm sorry for provoking it. So practice starts again in three days. Be there or its K-san you get to deal with."

His words seemed practiced and well thought and came out calmly, despite its matter of seriousness. It made Suguru feel really small.

"I was too in my right state of mind, I'll have you know." Suguru said quietly, yet just loud enough. Hiroshi again raised his eyebrows at the younger teen.

"You were sick and cold. Both of which make people do crazy things. I understand, really, I'm not hurt at all-"

"Love makes you do crazy things too." Suguru pointed out, burying himself further under his blankets to block out the rejection sure to come. He was always rejected, always told no. He wasn't attractive, or likeable. He was a brat, a nuisance and stubborn. Qualities no one liked. He closed his eyes, hoping he wouldn't have to face a rejection, just hoping Hiroshi would leave him be without saying a word.

But instead of the "I just don't like you" speech, or a laugh, or any type of rejection, he felt the blankets being pulled from him and warm hands cup his face. He opened his eyes and gazed bravely and with great question up at Hiroshi.

Hiroshi leaned over Suguru, his hair falling at his sides and brushing against the blankets. The older of the two smiled and gave Suguru a quick peck on his nose.

"Well then, Suguru, I think this time we should take things slow, eh? How about a movie tonight?" Suguru smiled brightly at Hiroshi and nodded slightly.

"Sounds like fun then. I'll be back later." And Hiroshi's hands were gone from his face, and he quickly exited the apartment.

Suguru snuggled under his blankets again, sighing slightly. He still was confused about everything. His options however were limited, not that he minded. But he was one of those people who over thinks things more then needed.

At least Hiroshi said he would take things slowly. Suguru laughed to himself. Yah right, he thought, I bet as soon as we get back to my place we'll be fucking like rabbits.

Not that he minded of course, he just was over thinking things. That and -also any of you who ever have been in love know- the sexual frustration that comes with crushes and such.

Did he love Hiroshi? Did he still love Tatsuha? Was he willing to have sex with Hiroshi?

Suguru sighed again. Was thinking all he ever did? Suguru rolled over in his bed for a new position, suggesting to himself to just let things happen for once. If he was in love, then so be it. If he wasn't, then this wouldn't work. No more telling himself this and that. And maybe sex wouldn't be so bad either.

Hiroshi 

The brunette smiled to himself while standing patiently in his apartment elevator. He really was going to have a hard time going slow while being in the tempting environment of the movie theatre...

The End 

Well there it is folks. The end. The story sucked and I'm glad it's over xD maybe if I feel regret for ending it so quickly I'll consider an epilogue. Only if I get a hefty amount of reviews though.


	13. End

Hahahaha! I bet "The End" you guys saw last chapter really pissed the majority of you all off, huh?

Gahahaha that's the funniest thing alive.

But truly, this story did a complete u-turn of how I had it going. It turned out to sort of be...a small sequence of events that ends up leading to another chapter of life, when it really was supposed to be this sad angstful story.But it instead, it turned out to be just a time in their lives sort of thing. Like a short little thing that leads to something. A possibility. We all have these in our lives, a struggle that leads us to think the end of the world is near, and then we reach this outcome, one we totally never would expect, and we live on. We move on, we get over it. That's life, and that's how this story is supposed to be. Suguru thought it was the end of the world because he was rejected by someone he was infatuated with (I probably didn't use that word right. : P ) there fore thought it was impossible to live on, so he couldn't possibly love anyone else (when really he has another eighty years to live).

I hate the first chapter of this story though. Screws the mood up. Makes it sound like a deranged, upset teenaged girl wrote it!...(cough sorry.) THERE FORE I have removed it. Hmph. So there. In return however, I give you this small, but still fulfilling epilogue.

PLEASE READ: SINCE I removed chapter one, I went back and did some much needed re-writing. If you want go back and take a peek. MAJOR editing to 1, and 4.

Short Straw

Epilogue

The two sat in the way back of the empty theatre watching a very, very odd movie. _A very_ odd movie.

The film they were hoping to see was sold out by the time they got there, so they were stuck watching some extremely _odd_ animated film about penguins.

But that wasn't the oddest part.

"Hiroshi, please tell me, why the hell you have an _erection_ in the middle of a kids movie?" Suguru said aloud, not bothering to be modest. They were the only ones there anyway.

Hiroshi blushed madly and gulped, turning slightly to Suguru.

"And _why in the hell_, if you declared to take things slow, do you have your _hand_ cupping my _ass_?"

"Eheheheheeee...I...dropped my candy on your seat?"

"You have yet to find it after thirty minutes of searching my ass?" Hiroshi knew he was in deep shit. He couldn't help it! Damn these movie theatres!

"Uh...no?" Suguru sighed and shook his head.

"So you dropped your candy. Somewhere about my ass. Would it be of help to you if I, lets say, got up and took my pants off, so you could search properly?" Hiroshi dropped his jaw and stared down at his date who gazed back looking seductive.

Hiroshi smirked inside himself; so much for taking things slow.

Hiroshi relaxed back into the chair as he watched Suguru slowly stand, his body moving with just as much seduction as his gaze. He planted himself in Hiroshi's lap, standing on his knees.

"Well? Would it _Hiroshi_?" His lips were _so_ very close to Hiroshi's, making him suddenly very warm. He shifted slightly, closing his eyes and slowly moved upward to press his lips against those sweet, pink ones, but instead-

-Splash-

Again Suguru stood before him, an empty soda cup in hand. He glared down at a drenched Hiroshi.

"Nice try Hiroshi. But this time, taking it slow _means_ something, understand? I most definitely want this to work, because really you're a sweet guy. But in _order_ for it to work, you're going to have to keep it in your pants for a little while, understood?"

Hiroshi blinked a couple of times, shivering slightly.

"Understood."

The End

There you have it. The end. It's not much of an end, but it gives you the idea of where this relationship is _sooooo_ heading. The bedroom xD lol.


End file.
